It was going great. Phenomenal, actually. And I’d been working hard at working. Hit the ground running, too. Coworking space to plane to train to pavement. Even sick as a dawg one day I kept the fire wildin’ from flat on my back, hacking up weird lil animals that the lymph in my body had cornered and gone off on. But this? This was a seemingly cool fit of many for a writerhead summer of working to write. The interim numbers were spot-on, the calm before the storm was breaking, all was a Go-
Until I got that check in my spirit. I knew it was him, too.
I don’t get the option to act like I don’t know His voice after all these years. Which is saying alot, writerhead-wise. Some of yall know what i’m talking about.
Internally I started sounding like an adult in a Peanuts cartoon to myself, Higher Me in utero convo with God as on the ground Angel duly paused literally in the midst of it and smiled, thinking “What the hell? It’s all a go- what’s the- aww helll- aight…”
I left knowing he wasn’t going to allow me to say yes, and that no matter what everything looked like “on the ground” right now…I HAD to trust that.
And I did.
So much so that I went back to the gym, put on my tiger pants[I’ve waited 20 yrs to be able to legit write that phrase in absent yet actual flow] and ballet warm-up stretched my feeling constricted gypsy body out before I flung myself up in the air, dancing to Dark Necessities until I was peacefully panting.
I call it a group effort because of the cloud of witnesses invested in my ass getting to the finishline intact being more badassed, goofy and happily ruthless than anything poised against me, it, us- ever. This close to breaking into Funkadelic One nation under a groove~isms lol. And the commonality in us all, is Him.
I Trust God.
That used to be really scary, dealing with humans, so many of whom have such deep-seated and dare I say kinda merited issues with Zee Highest High that it really used to feel like a crapshoot every time. It’s not anymore. Alot of people are waking up to the fact that the actual God of this weird rock we’re imprisoned on for our own Good also sees Their issues as kinda merited too. It makes them deal with those of us actively Making peace with’HIM more gently lol.
Anyway~ today I’m going to do the one thing I’ve been avoiding doing…that he’s been gently avoiding asking me to do because he knows I’m a genteel punkass at heart, enjoying the ride through the slats of my fingers at times, both hands slammed tightly over my eyes lol.
… wouldn’t it be funny if I was on the other side of the world this time next week and all my “ok Now~ I’m going to put down roots…I mean now…I mean-” isms go up in a joyous puff of technicolor smoke?
My wings just bloomed out up over my shoulderblades, all “….yaaaaaar!!!!!!Let’s go!” after I wrote that line. Wings speak.
I’m going to imagine doing…the unimaginable.